I've sometimes suffered under the illusion that I can change someone's mind. I can't. But I can change my own mind, or way of thinking. When we deflect attention from our own responsibility to change our own mind, we often get busy trying to change another person's mind. One of the reasons I suppose we spend our time trying to change other people's minds, is that we're not so sure what we really want. I know, that sounds a bit contradictory, but actually the paradox is true. Our focus on changing others and their thoughts is rooted in our lack of clarity and conviction about our own thoughts. When we are clear and secure in our thinking, what other people think is less important to us.
We have too much trouble staying clear about what's working for us in the moment to spend too much time trying to change another person's mind about some future event. Powerful change can occur at the individual level of consciousness, even in organizations. It's freeing for some people in organizations to know that they don't have to change who they are in order to be certain that leaders feel O.K. Change begins with clear thoughts, and the feelings associated with those thoughts. When a person takes responsibility for her thoughts and feelings, she can then fully appreciate the results that she can achieve based on those thoughts.
Thoughts are seeds in a garden of possibilities. Plant your seeds in your own garden, and if you choose, share your harvest with others.
That was terrific -- freeing. We're only in conflict when we believe someone else calls the shot. They do, but only in their lives -- in their inner environment. People get into trouble only when they are not sure of what they want, and they are in conflict over that. It's really simple to understand; it takes courage to put into practice.
Posted by: Stephen Middleton | August 12, 2007 at 10:52 PM
This is exactly what I needed this morning. Thanks, Eleanor!
Posted by: Judy Glick-Smith | August 13, 2007 at 06:47 AM
Thanks for this; got me thinking about the exec coaching Im doing right now. Also, just a piece of language sensitivity I have....instead of using "she" or "he",use "s/he"-- that way, it honors both genders. Have worked with newspapers editors about this non-sexist approach to journalistic language. Hope your'e OK with this advice?
Posted by: jim rogers | August 14, 2007 at 09:27 AM
My mother told me "you can't change someone else, but you can change yourself". Your thoughts are on right on target.
Dotti McBride-Wesley
Posted by: Dotti McBride-Wesley | August 16, 2007 at 01:47 PM
Eleanor - this is a very nice platform for positive information !
Kimberly
Posted by: Kimberly | August 16, 2007 at 03:01 PM
The only way to change what I see in the mirror of my life is to change myself.
Posted by: Adanna Gloria | August 23, 2007 at 04:50 PM
Hi El,
Thanks for the wonderful reminder, that change is always possible. Our chats have helped me so much in terms of seeing the importance of being more introspective. Have had several major interruptions in the last few months, but I'm viewing them as just, "bumps in the road." Working on a new project and feeling elated about the prospects. Look forward to receiving more of your blogs.
Posted by: Carolyn Cooke | August 31, 2007 at 08:31 AM
Eleanor,
Fast tips at your finger tips! This is awesome! One minute practical thoughts to apply to my day! As a leaders, I am forever grateful for your commentary views. Thanks!
Posted by: Sky Foster | September 03, 2007 at 08:09 PM
Jim,
I know you responded months ago, but please know that I took your advice about language. Please continue to offer your insights.
Eleanor
Posted by: Eleanor Hooks | April 03, 2008 at 08:35 AM
Hello, not bad... Thank you Bodyc
Posted by: Bodyc | February 05, 2009 at 04:46 AM
Hello Bodyc,
What stands out for you about the article?
Posted by: Eleanor Hooks | February 05, 2009 at 03:27 PM